The 3 paralyzing traits of the human condition
“We must believe in free will, we have no choice”
Albeit paradoxically, this quote encapsulates the most paralyzing traits that plague the human experience. Deeply impacting our personal lives each day, these prevailing human traits cause many of us unnecessary suffering and negative emotion. At our core, we all recognize our own free will; the unlimited creative control over the choices we make and the thoughts we think. But because we live on a planet among 7.5 billion other human beings, it often feels we have no choice but to succumb to the environments, people, and situations asserting themselves into our everyday experience and eroding our belief in the free will we possess to enjoy life regardless of our current situation.
If you ever doubt the amount of free will you possess, I recommend you read the book A Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
In his book, Frankl articulates that our greatest power we possess as human beings is the power to choose, specifically choose our thoughts. Regardless of the environment we face, all of us have the conscious ability to choose: hope or despair, happiness or sorrow, empowerment or victim-hood. There are no legitimate reasons to complain or consider yourself a victim because to do so negates the most powerful authority you have - the power over your own mind and thoughts.
Frankl earned the right to take this stance for two reasons:
He was a holocaust survivor and endured three years of living in four different concentration camps.
He was a renowned neurologist and psychiatrist.
While one’s propensity to complain is always relative to their own time and space in life, after reading this book it’s now become nearly impossible for me to get on board with any reason to complain, though I do fall into the trap more than I should. The through line of Frankl’s work is one that became a catalyst for my own mindfulness journey. Focused on the power of the mind, the right mindset can help us persevere, overcome, and achieve any dream imaginable. Or, at the very least, regain the free will to be happier and healthier more of the time.
So how does one more regularly exercise their free will? Experience has taught me that the best place to start is by being aware of the 3 paralyzing traits of the human condition:
Believing that happiness is external - When I just get “this” I will be happy: the girlfriend, the job, the promotion, the degree, the money, the respect, the car, the house, the anything I am striving for or desire. Simply put, there is no person, place, or thing that can make you happy - they can only enhance the happiness you feel. Happiness, joy, and satisfaction have always been, and will always remain, an inside job. The reason for this lies in the simple yet overlooked fact that you carry yourself every place that you go. You are always the center of your own universe yet never the constant focal point of somebody else’s attention. Therefore, it’s important to be selfish about making time for enhancing the relationship you have with yourself. Searching to find unconditional happiness is the journey. When you find it, counter-intuitively it will bring more of the external desires you originally sought into your real-life experience.
Neglecting Now - Because we fall into the trap of chasing external happiness, it often causes us to ignore the importance of gratitude and neglect where our true power lives and will always remain - right NOW. Often this takes the form of mental projection into the future, usually in a state of worry or anxiety. Or it takes the shape of living in the past, usually in the state of justification, regret, and sadness.
In most cases, projecting to the future or living in the past brings with it unsettling emotions. When living in these states, we give up the amazing power of our “now reality” and often we often look for ways to escape our minds projections. The recent work of actor and recovering addict Russell Brand is powerful in addressing this topic. Like the struggles Brand shares in his book Recovery, I know through personal experience that neglecting my powerful “now reality” opened the door for chronic pain and addictions of gambling, alcohol, food, and other escapes that showed up with relentless momentum in my life. To be fully present is to be free. And this can be achieved by being mindful of living in your powerful NOW.
Living through other’s eyes - Intellectually speaking, I believe most human beings understand they should not give a damn what other people think about them, but emotionally, we often do. One of many personal examples on this subject came when I was working at Enterprise Rent-A-Car directly upon graduating from college. Internally, I had no problem working at Enterprise. I knew it was a good place to learn, get sales and management experience, and earn some decent money without a ton of overwhelming responsibility. However, whenever somebody would ask me what I did for a living, I always felt somewhat undervalued, less worthy, and a disturbing sense of shame. Why? Mostly because at the time I carried the naïve belief that other people were judging my self-worth on the occupation held. I had completely forfeited my free will. More appropriately, at the time I was on a search to find happiness through a job and another person’s perception of me instead of living in my power and belief in me. I’ve realized over time that I’m not alone in experiencing these types of real-life examples, in fact, it’s the norm not the exception. Not choosing happiness, not taking risks, or not being authentic because we believe that others will perceive or judge us is an epidemic that most human beings cannot shake until old age and regret sinks in. It doesn’t have to be this way; I refuse for it to be this way.
Viktor Frankl famously said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”. Also in that space lives one’s opportunity to recognize their soul and regain their free will. And by choosing to exercise it, you will allow yourself to not fall victim to the 3 paralyzing traits of the human experience and the negative emotion they bring with them.
** Editing credit - Alex Bahe